The Devil Has Horns

We've all seen images of the Devil - the horns and spiked tail.  Some depictions are a caricaturization for comedic effect while others are intended to scare children into saying their bedtime prayers.  But I am here to tell you that they've gotten it all wrong.  The horns of the Devil are not something you see, they are something you HEAR. 

  Here in Turkey they have something called a Dolmus (pronounced dol-moosh).  (They said the word means "full" but I am convinced it's the name for some ancient and forgotten evil ritual.) Painted a deceptively calm blueish-green color, these mini-buses look like the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo but lack the cool hippie vibe.  The Dolmus is essentially a cross between a city bus and a taxi cab.  They prowl the streets of Izmir looking for people that need rides.  They follow designated routes like a bus but will pick up and drop off people anywhere along the street - unlike buses that stop at designated locations. 

  The Dolmus driver earns his pay by transporting as many people as possible.  People pay a flat rate - a cut of which goes to the driver.  This commission setup gives the driver an incentive to move as many people as possible in as short of a period as possible (sort of like Charon, the ferryman that transports souls across the River Styx).  People unqualified or too dangerous to drive cabs are quickly hired into the Cult of the Dolmus.  Dolmus drivers are in constant competition with one another.  They run red lights, cut in front of buses, hop curbs, and completely ignore pedestrians in order to beat other Dolmus drivers to the next pickup. 

  A crude form of communication has developed between Dolmus drivers and the other vehicles on the road.  One beep of the horn alerts potential passengers that the Dolmus has room (a full Dolmus will blitz past people waiting for a ride).  Two short honks of the horn indicate that the Dolmus is going to merge into another lane.  This is not a request - it's simply a warning (one that often comes while the lane change is being made).  A long honk of the horn can either mean "I am passing you on the sidewalk" or "I am here to collect your eternal soul".....I'm not really sure which. 

  The one thing I know for certain is that the Dolmus HATES cyclists.  They certainly don't like being passed by a bicycle.  With their frequent stops, however, I will often pass the same Dolmus two or three times on the same street.  This makes the Dolmus very angry.  I think they hate seeing someone move so freely and so quickly under their own power.  They also hate the freedom and independence of a bicycle - they want you to use a Dolmus so they can make more money.  Usually a passing Dolmus will simply honk a few times then hurry on to collect or disgorge fresh souls.  But sometimes the Dolmus is persistent.  If the cyclist be weak of heart and pull over the Dolmus will be emboldened to harass more cyclists.  A cyclists must ride on bravely and soon the Dolmus will tire of the game and move on to find easier prey. 

  So know this: the devil exists.  It's tail is a plume of diesel exaust and it's horns are very real.  It's name is Dolmus.  They are many.  They are evil. They are tireless. 

 

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[Cheryl]

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